Pain

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 In most cases a woman will actually crave the concept of you rather than "YOU" - and this makes you extremely REPLACEABLE. You'll even find that your own children will value you based on how well you fill your role as a man. Don't be bitter about it. The more experienced of us have learned to live with this reality. It can  even be liberating somewhat. A woman biologically craves a provider/protector (this is your naturally assigned role) and someone to make them feel validated and whole. Their role, as nature would have it, is to act as nurturers and supporters. Now if you truly do care for a woman, your relationship with her would be more similar to her relationship with her children. You would probably die for her as would she for her offspring, but it's less likely that she'd sacrifice her life for you. This isn't to say she doesn't care about you. It's just that, as a man, you will always feel more intensely simply because of your natural role. You now identify with this woman. She however, doesn't identify with you and can more easily switch to finding another protector/provider who will get the job done just as well or even better since women tend to date upwards in the hierarchy - which is especially important for them when younger. It's not much different from the animal kingdom really. 

Marcus Aurelius, one of the greatest emperors of Rome, on fighting his struggle to get out of bed: "Is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?". Life is pain and it was guaranteed to be this way the minute you got a physical form. People who live life seeking out pain will reap the most rewards. For example, by choosing to exercise you sacrifice time and willfully put your body in discomfort to look good and be healthy. In exchange for ephemeral pain, you reap long term benefits. The same applies in EVERY aspect of life: health, wealth, relationships, etc. This isn't a "bad" thing. It's just the way things are and once you re-wire your mind to accept this reality, you will welcome challenges and constantly seek to overcome them to become the best version of yourself. People who live life seeking happiness and comfort will not grow, be unfulfilled and lack a sense of purpose. Besides, if you want to meet the most interesting people and have some banger experiences, you won't be finding them in the comfort zone. Use every opportunity you have to immerse yourself in discomfort that will result in some kind of growth. I've never known a soul to regret going down this path.

You know the butterflies in your stomach, the gentle heat beneath your skin, and the adoration you feel for this other person. These are all just hormones and your thoughts at work. That sounds dull, but there is no invisible force called "Love" that ties us together. It's all perception. If you hit your head and lose all the memories, would the "love" still be there? Perhaps theoretically in the case of spiritual/quantum bonding, but for most cases, it would cease to exist. The goal is not to be negative about this, but rather to acknowledge a truth that can help us make informed decisions and process grief better. Each experience in the physical realm  is there to be enjoyed, and liberation comes from detachment. So yes, enjoy "love" in the moment whether it be with your partner, family or friends, but the truth is had you not known this person, you wouldn't have to grieve their loss. Every void induced by a loss is an indication of a  part of you that you must fill INTERNALLY - an opportunity for growth. This can be a great tool in letting go. Hope this helps someone.  

Ever heard those horror stories that go "Man kills wife and kids over divorce". Sure you're thinking that it can't happen to you, but I'm sure that husband/father thought the same as he kissed his beloved goodnight and tucked his kids into bed in all the years prior. This kind of thing isn't taught usually, but my hope is that this will help men understand what happens to them during this process so they can make informed decisions during a time we feel confused and helpless. Also this is only applies to you if you actually cared for the person, otherwise you're probably just lonely.

I'll get straight to the process:

• Immediately after separating, you may feel a little sadness or none at all. This could last for weeks/months.

• After some peace, there will be some kind of trigger (photo, location of significance etc.) that will start your downward spiral.

• It will first manifest as you thinking "Is she okay", "Does she need help with anything". These thoughts are a result of your perceived connection and your natural role as a protector/provider kicking in. You'll be genuine in your intentions, but if she's moved on and has no further need for you then it's gonna hurt.

• By hurt, I mean it will feel like a high voltage wire was hooked to your soul distorting the very shape of your spirit. You'll agonize over it, but you won't be able to do anything. Your breathing will go shallow and it will feel as if the insides of your chest are twisting with an ever present vacuum of emptiness in your belly that feels like its sucking your entire being in, but it never actually does. 

•  Thoughts like "Is someone else in bed with her" will come to you. Let's just go with "Yes". Rebounds are a thing, and if you're going to self sabotage, do it right. The pain is here whether you like it or not, so go all in.

• This pain may drive you to feel like you're losing your mind. Vasopressin and Adrenalin will be pumped into your system now more than ever before causing you to feel rage, sadness, and an almost insurmountable drive to somehow go see this girl and "save her".  You must fight this urge with all your heart. It hurts to accept, but know that YOU ARE NOT NEEDED.

• Though we might think we are doing the right thing as men, women will perceive this behavior as scary and unstable (which it kind of is). 

• Reach out to your support group and let them help you. If you have no one, this is about to be the worst several weeks of your life. Hang in there! Others have done it, so you can too.

• Rewire your brain to enjoy the pain and let it consume you. Don't fight it. Welcome every minute of it and know that for every ounce of pain you let in, the more powerful you will be once you've survived. 

• You'll be tempted to choose the easy way out - to villainize the girl and take the red pill route through life seeking to belittle women and hurriedly chase girls to fill your voids. Wrong! 

• This other person has their own life to live and aren't obligated to you. Any feelings of betrayal or hurt were created by your own mind through expectations. To learn these lessons, you needed the experience, so don't beat yourself up.

• Choose pain, and channel this energy into building yourself as a man. If you're worried about girls, don't be. They'll pour in soon enough and you won't even care anymore. 

• It may be difficult to do this at first when you are grieving, but the minute you can physically move and think relatively clearly (weeks to months after), start using that energy ASAP. This is an opportunity to change your entire life trajectory.

• Be thankful this happened to you now while young. Had it happened later on in life, your poor little heart would have given out, or you would have given into rage and written another horror story, which is in no way honorable. 

• Now that you have a greater understanding of yourself, you know that your "crazy" is a result of vasopressin and your biological need to be the "The Man" who protects.

Others have survived and you will too. My goal however is to get you walking out of this not just as a survivor, but as a f*cking champion ready to lay waste to all your obstacles and become the best version of yourself.  The weak rage and chase happiness, but the strong choose pain and happiness finds them.